Friday, May 08, 2009

"Man! I Feel Like a Woman!" ~ Shania Twain

Please don't tell me how unsanitary and dangerous they are. I already know. And right now, I don't care because like Shania said, "Man. I feel like a woman." And then I believe she added a little "woo-woot" on the end of that, which articulates my feelings exactly.

What IS it about acrylic nails that women like? The shiny smoothness? Even, white tips? The way they make you gesture wildly like the day your got your engagement ring? The clickety-clack of "tap dancing" on the keyboard?

The answer is YES! to all of these facets, but I know how bad they are for real nails, how unsanitary they can be, and how the only celeb still wearing them is Paul McCartney, but I don't care.

Just like I'll always love to see a great suntan, I'll always love nails.

However, I certainly don't tan anymore. And I don't want to do long-term maintenance of nails due to time and expense. But once in a while, like when your kid graduates and you have a book signing (gulp), I think its OK to get them.

Woo-woot!

I just don't want to end up like Magda from There's Something About Mary, an archetype for whom I have no actual descriptive words. I'll just call them "Magdalites"--middle aged, fake blondes with leathery skin, acrylic talons and little lap dogs.




Uh-oh.














18 comments:

The Davidson Den said...

not even close.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Your hair isn't big enough to be a Magdalite. So stop worrying. You look gorgeous.

Abiding Branch said...

Oh my word!! I have missed you! I have been begging for nails myself. I have a certificate for a massage but found a place that does nails too! And that does make me want to "woo-woot" and tap dance my little hands all over. Plus the clickity sound they make on the computer keyboard...oooo makes me feel so special!!
Chel

"Just Me - NC Beth" said...

Oh, I love me some "nails"!!! And yes, they do damage your nails but I love how they look...no, I don't have my nails like that any longer....maintenance can get down right expensive!! But they definitely are due for special occasions!!

~Beth

Chatty Kelly said...

Okay, you made me snort at the end. That is just too funny. You're too young to fit that category. You are beautiful, and the nails too. I want fake nails! And a tan! And BIG hair!

I was so perfect in the 80's. Then you could be completely fake and it was okay. LOL!!!! ;-)

Have a great mother's day, graduation day & book signing!!!!

sara said...

nope not tan enough or big enough hair!! enjoy those nails!!.....but no whining when they have to come off!!! :)

Merrie said...

Nothing like nails to make you feel special! Too bad the things that make us feel beautiful (nails, tan, hair dye, makeup, etc.) are not good for us.
Sunshine is ACTUALLY very healthy... just not the sunburn - that's what damages... so, if you get small doses or get out early in the morning or late in the afternoon, you are doing yourself a favor. Another bummer... most sun block stuff is cancer causing...
On THAT nice note... enjoy your nails and feel special all weekend and be blessed!

Susanne said...

Everybody around here has acrylic nails. Me? I'm not so crazy about them. Mostly because I can't stand when my nails get a certain length. It makes me crazy. But I like how they look. Enjoy yours while you sign away!

I have no idea who this Magda lady is, but whoa Nelly. You are nothin' like her.

Heth said...

Hilarious. And you are going to need a little more hairspray if you are even going to begin to compete with those gals and their "dos".

Love the nails.

Liz said...

I've never EVER had acrylic nails, but I've considered the idea for all the reasons you mentioned. Maintenance is always an issue for me. If it's too much bother, I just won't even try. Maybe one day.

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

Your analogies are genius.

No chance you could be a Magda.

Amy said...

One of my favorite movies...and yes something about fake nails intrigues me. My sister got them for her wedding and I went with her and just couldn't stop watching the process and how shiny they looked...I have never had them myself...maybe someday. I am a music teacher and the clicking on the piano keys might make me crazy...however I am probably already there anyway!!

Great post

Amy
www.allthingsaro.blogspot.com

"Rachel" said...

Too funny!

I have never liked fake nails. I guess I'm weird. But I do like fake tan out of a bottle, which is definitely needed when you are the color of pastry dough.

skoots1mom said...

for the 23 years I worked, the majority of my years enjoyed the bi-monthly trip to fill-in my nails. loved, loved, loved it! and yes, I "tapped" on the keyboard...and it made me happier!
Since no more paycheck, no more nailtips... ~:(

having a cuzz who looks like a brown lizard...i have no need for tanning bed or their after effects...so, i must spray it on when extra color is needed

you crack me up...thanks, i needed it.
We're walking (dancing, singing, laughing) at Relay 2night...my 10th year cancer-free!! un-cha, un-cha!!

Lois E. Lane said...

Just promise me you won't move to Florida...

PJ said...

Love the nails. I've had them for 20 years and my fingers haven't fallen off yet. And as far as I know I haven't poisoned anyone. So...enjoy, guilt free!!!

Those tanning pics are absolutely horrid!!!

But I love my nails.... Yes.... I feel like a woman...woo wooo!!!

Erin said...

Oh, I love my acrylic nails. Just switched to the french for the spring/summer. Used to LOVE to tan, too old for that now but boy do I miss relaxing in a tanning bed listening to music.......

Mel said...

I love love acrylic/gel nails but never got into the white tips, i did however always have funky airbrushing done on them!!!