Saturday, October 10, 2009

Wish I Had Thought of These ...

My friend Loralei sent me these. And yes, her name was Loralei way before Gilmore Girls.

The MapQuest one cracked me up out loud. Or should I say, "LOL?"

* More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

*Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

* Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

* I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

* The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

* Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

* There is a great need for sarcasm font. [TRUE!]

* I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

* How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

* I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

* I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

* The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

* Was learning cursive really necessary?

* Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

* Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

* Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart," all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart."

* How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a doofus from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

* MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

* I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

* I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

* Bad decisions make good stories.

* Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

* Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

* There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

* I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

* "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

* I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishingwe weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

* I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

* I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

* When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

* I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

* Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

* As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

* Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

* It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

* Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

* I wonder if cops ever get annoyed that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

* I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Light than Kay.

* The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel fat before dinner.

42 comments:

Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

So many good laughs!! :) LOVE it.

Rachel said...

Bad decisions make good stories? I think about 80% of my blog is testament to that! :) AMEN sister!

Those were pee-your-pants funny - loved them! Thanks for the laughs!

Quilldancer said...

Amoeba gives lessons in folding fitted sheets. I should video tape it and put it on the blogs!

Franbles said...

That was very funny - thank you! And yes I did actually laugh out loud, which I believe happens far less than all the thousands of times I read LOL! (which I thought meant 'lots of love' the first time I saw it....)
Nice to start the day with a laugh
Sarah

Kim said...

Oh Linda! Thank you SO much for sharing this and for the wonderful laughs this morning....I was nodding and relating all the way through. LOL! (really...not just because I don't have anything else to say. :) )

Blessings!!
Kim

Betty said...

These are really hilarious, because they are so spot on!! I love that Map quest suggestion too.
Love them!

Pamela said...

The Map Quest one is so true. We could go 1/2 block to be out to one of the main streets or do as Map Quest requests and go 1/2 block in the opposite direction, turn right for one block and the right at the next street and end up at the same main street.

Rand McNalley did the same thing when we lived in Ohio. Wes even called them to let them know about the "error." This one was a bit worse. It had us going about a mile out of the way to get to the main highway...which was a block and a half from our place.

Dutch said...

Those were so funny. I had to pass them on to my sister.
Thanks for the laughs this morning.
Have a great weekend.

bensrib said...

These are SO funny! May I post this on my blog? My mother will love it! I promise to give you linky-love!

Darla said...

those are all soooo true. i love it! haha. i will just stop typing now instead of using LOL, my cover is blown.

Mrs. E said...

Seriuosly, does this person know me?

Jewel said...

There IS NOTHHING worse than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far!

Our desk chairs are aweful in the dorm. [And since this spot is where I apparently spend all my time], I have fallen out twice, maybe three times, and ALMOST fallen out a few times more.

HA! These are hilarious. I'm going to re-post a few. :)

Keetha Broyles said...

Is YOUR Loralei the same as MY Loralei (as in the same one I knew as a kid) Is yours an MK from Japan???

Cazandra said...

I am waiting for my 3 year old to be discharged from the hospital (he's like a caged animal right now) and I ran across your blog.

Thanks for the great laugh!

Blessings,
Cazandra

Mocha with Linda said...

I had to hold my coffee mug right by my mouth while I was reading this in case I needed to spit coffee out while laughing!

Except a youngster wrote it. There was no such thing as Nintendo when I was a kid.

Sarcasm font - yes!
Grocery bags - absolutely!
LOL - the first few times I saw this, I was really puzzled, because in nurse-speak that means "little old lady"
Mapquest - I really almost lost my coffee on that one and you had warned us it was going to be good!
Pants are supposed to be washed?! (JUST KIDDING!)

Thanks for the laughs!!

H-Mama said...

Loved all of them! Too funny!

Tabi said...

All I have to say is THANK YOU! I had a crummy evening last night and this morning isn't looking much better but this gave me a great laugh!!

sara said...

these were great!

loved the book smart/street smart one!!

I am sitting at my best friends house and shared with her the one about deleting the history! :)

Melli said...

These are great! I love "bad decisions make good stories"! SO true!

Kim said...

Hilarious!

Gonna have to share this with some people :-)

Jenny wren's nest said...

Very funny, thanks for sharing akk the funny truths.
Jenny

Jodi said...

Those were awesome!!!

Ummm...I get in the shower first, then turn on the water. I'm always afraid I will slip if I do it the other way. LOL! <--- and I'm not using that in the right way. Hehehehe thanks for the laughs!!!

Faith Imagined said...

This is so funny! I am crying!!!

A Joyful Chaos said...

I just happened to find your blog and will definitely be coming back often. Loved this post!

The Bug said...

I might repost this too if it's ok - I'm feeling fresh out of fresh ideas right now.

Dr. M & I have solved the folding the fitted sheet problem - we only have one set of sheets we like so we wash them & put them back on the bed. Ha!

Amy said...

I read these to my teenage son and he especially loved the scantron one. He told me that when he is a teacher he is going to make every answer to the questions on his test A just to freak out his students...

Very funny...

Amy

noexcuses said...

These were great! I loved every single one of them...especially the "bad decisions" one! I'm writing about that one tonight!

Thanks for sharing them!

Jewel said...

I loved so many of them! :-) Thanks for sharing, Linda!

Beverlydru said...

I was in a long queue at the cell phone service store reading this on my Blackberry and I couldn't stop laughing. I was attracting some odd looks but I'm not embarrassed to be caught laughing. This was rich.

MichaƩle said...

I think I can relate to just about everyone of those...thanks for the smile!!!

Amy@My Front Porch said...

A friend of mine emailed these to me a couple of weeks ago and I could not stop laughing!

"I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger."

*Sigh*

Guilty.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

So many good laughs..i love your blog... I have a great giveaway on both my blogs that will be given away this weekend....and all you have to do is comment.......so hope you will stop by.
http://grammyababychangeseverything.blogspot.com
http://teresa-grammygirlfriend.blogspot.com/

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

GENIUS! SHEAR GENIUS!

MapQuest is for people who are book smart.

Debbie @Like a Rose said...

Way too funny!

You know I need a sarcasm font!

Mapquest - yep.
Bordom/hunger - a definite toss up.
"Word" terrors...
Kay Jewelers - so true.

skoots1mom said...

:)

Faith said...

lol.....you cracked me up tonite...I needed this! and the one about the fitted sheets....just how DO i fold one? i have never learned the art of that!! lol

Olivia said...

These are awesome! I needed the laugh!

Carmen said...

Very funny post! There's so many good ones...but I liked the T and G one the best. Laughed quite a while at that one!
Retards,
Full Gospel Church
LID/cg

Kim said...

Great read with my morning cup of coffee today. Also, it provided me with some cute status material on my facebook page.

Darlene R. said...

Oh, this is SO funny! I love them all. The mapquest one is the best!

Paula (SweetPea) said...

these are so good. I really like the: mapquest (duh!) and fitted sheet. All were great but those two stuck out as I can so relate to them. Thus, the reason I only have one sheet...I use, remove, wash, replace all in one day and BEFORE bedtime comes again...thus no need to fold that ratchet sheet.

Cara and Jenn said...

hysterical...i love it!


~Cara