Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Ups and Downs of it All

Come back tomorrow for a special announcement. But you might as well keep reading today since you're already here and everything.

If only I had a "wing span" of 6ft and swam all day long, I could consume 12,000 calories a day and look like Michael Phelps, only slightly cuter. Alas, I am a stubby blogger. "Blawg," even sounds like a fat bullfrog burp.

You'll remember that I scoffed a bit at the diet garnering all sorts of attention of late, "The Alternate Day Diet," discovered/created by Dr. James B. Johnson.

Subsequently, Dr. Johnson emailed me and offered to send me his book so that I could study up on the science behind the idea and give the diet a fair shake, no pun intended (because shakes do have their place in this diet.)

First of all, here are the diet basics:

*There is quite a bit of scientific data suggesting that calorie restriction = longer life and fewer inflammatory diseases. Allergies and psoriasis are inflammatory diseases, so maybe this will help. Hot flashes should be considered an inflammatory disease, but they're not.

*People can't sustain caloric reductions very long because willpower, schmillpower. However, they do seem to be able to go on a "diet" for one day. I would agree that 24 hours is the average dieter's limit for telling herself "no." If said dieter is PMS-ing, I'd give it 3 hours.

*The SIRT1 Gene is the new skinny jean.

*Stay hydrated and move around. Be the dolphin. ?

*Especially on the beginning, make use of shakes and meal replacement bars on down days. Accuracy is important.

*Down day: Consume 500 calories.

*Up day: No restrictions, but keep in mind nutrient-rich food over non-nutrient rich food. (Broccoli vs. Indiana State Fair deep fried Twinkie.) ("Sophie's Choice" vs. "Mama Mia!") Also keep in mind that thing about not being Michael Phelps.

* Journal your intake (Weight Watchers agrees, and they are right. You hate it? Do it anyway.)

* Use measuring cups. Boy, was this ever revelatory to me when I first started using measuring devices. Yikes. My cereal bowls were fit for Jethro Bodine.

So I took Dr. Johnson up on his kind offer, and last week, my book arrived. I read it over a period of three nights, and last Saturday I had my first true day on the diet.

On Saturday, I ate: one frozen diet-type meal for 280 calories, Alex! Then I ate a fat-free yogurt for 100. Then I inhaled a Granny Smith apple, which I fear put me over the limit because it was large.

And then I had a decaf coffee with cream, which made me nice again because I had gotten very hungry and very not nice, and cream in one's tummy makes one purr and take her claws out of the curtains.

Sunday, my first "Up" day, I went out to eat with my parents and brother and sister-in-law and kids, and I had FRIED CHICKEN WITH GRAVY ON IT. And then a side of MASHED POTATOES WITH GRAVY ON IT.

The only pool I swim in is the gravy pool.

Then that night, I ate ice cream. With chocolate and nuts. You know, just a snack.

In the book, Dr. Johnson claims that many people stop craving vats of gravy and ice cream as they progress on the diet. If this proves to be true, I will name my first grand baby, "Dr. James B. Michael Phelps Johnson" in honor of this miracle.

If you are seriously interested in this book, I'd like for you to have it. And as Dr. Johnson has paid it forward to me, so I shall unto you, if you leave a comment and I happen to draw your name in a couple of days. Just say in your comment, "Lid, gravy looks good on you. Now send me that book." Or something like that. If you want to comment but don't want the book, just say, "Lid, I don't need no stinkin' book, but I Ken Lee you." Or something like that.

And who knows, if you like the diet, we can share our "Ups" and "Downs!"

Hey! It's like I'm swimming across the page. Do you think this burns calories?

44 comments:

Smilingsal said...

You are rather fluffy (according to that picture) so maybe you should keep the book for a while longer!

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Sally, I had forgotten I posted the pic of the cat when I read your comment in Outlook, and for a few seconds I was devastated that I appear to be "fluffy" in my profile pic or elsewhere on the blog. I do have some cheeks! And most of my posts are full of fluff, too! Thanks for the smile, Sal.

Smilingsal said...

Yes, I meant it as a joke after I saw the cat picture.

Now me, I really am fluffy, but hey, fluffy is soft.

Mrs. Who said...

Oh, I agree with you on so many, many counts that I might need to make, like, half a dozen comments. But the cereal bowl one is SO TRUE. Although, it's actually not the cereal bowl but the fact that I keep filling it with (healthy!! it has almonds!!) granola until all the milk is gone. I can't just leave that milk in there, can I??

I guess I would like to have this book. Might as well try something else. I'm off the sugar right now and not too happy about it.

Lisa said...

I'd shampoo with gravy if I could!
It's a constant battle isn't it?
To gravy or not to gravy, that is the question.

Chatty Kelly said...

I don't want the book. But I love the fact that he sent it to you for free. I swear I am going to conduct a study and blog about different books and see how many will be sent to me for free. Then sell them on ebay. It could be my new business. LOL!

In the words of Billy Joel, I love you just the way you are.

Fiddledeedee said...

Ummmm, gravy. Throw me in the hopper, Lid. The sooner the better.

April in CT said...

I do believe we have the same Olympic pool sized cereal bowls. All that milk is good for ya though, right??

I'm hesitant to believe this one too. It will be interesting to see how your progress goes.

PJ said...

"Lid, gravy looks good on you. Now send me that book."

And as I sit here, I'm contemplating whether to order gravy with my hash brown this morning...headed out to get my start my WALK (1 block) for the morning to the corner restaurant...where I'll do the Sudoku and Crossword. TaTa (I have to do this THIS week...next week?? Off to school with MAYBE a granola bar or a yogurt!!) Or else a donut and coffee at the drive thru DONUT shop that is ALSO less than TWO MINUTES from my house

Greg C said...

I consider myself puffy, not fluffy. Just change my name to Poppin Fresh. I am ready to give anything a try so please sign me up for that book. I don't care if I ever look like Phelps I just don't want to be called Bob when I am foating in the pool. :(

Brenda said...

500 calories sounds like something I would do to myself out of self-loathing or something, so I'll pass on the book. But I do Ken Lee you.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Hmm, I have never heard of such a thing...

WHo can honeslty just eat 500 calories in one day..

you would be so damn hungry the next day, u would spend all day eating..

Let us know if u acctually lose any weight on this, cause that would be damn fascinating;)

Mocha with Linda said...

I'll pass on the book.

Just pass the gravy.

I'll pass on emulating Michael Phelps, although I love watching him tear through the water. But our gold medal gymnast Nastia Liukin? She's a doll - beauty, elegance, and grace. There should be a law against stomachs that flat.

Jodie said...

OH LINDA! YOU KILL ME! Laughing out loud, as per the usual. :)
The caption with the cat is just AWESOME!
A-W-E
S-O-M-E
Awesome! Awesome!
Totally!
Sorry about that, just a little bit of cheer left in me from pee-wee football days.
Truly hysterical post.
Gravy pool
Hahaha!

Gloria said...

Linda, I love your writing. I would love to have a copy of this book. Large cereal bowl? Is that why I only get about three bowls from one box?

Edie said...

No thanks on the book but I laughed this post! The marquee at the bottom appears to be getting thinner too!

nancygrayce said...

Oh, I need the book desperately! Thanks for visiting my blog. :) I love commenters!

If I don't start burning calories real soon and real regularly, something bad is going to happen to my body, actually it has already started. .....my flat belly is gone, long gone, didn't even bother to say goodbye!

o.k. I'm going swimming now. Maybe I will burn 12,000 calories. If I do, I won't have to diet again for a little while! :)

samurai said...

"Lid, gravy looks good on you. Now send me that book."

Just because ;)

Linda - you will find that happy medium - and as long as you keep those claws out of everybody - everybody will be happy. :)

Thank you for the smile today...

Debbie said...

If the scrolling sentences burn calories please teach me how to do that.

Rocky uses a mixing bowl for cereal!

No thanks on the book but I do so Ken Lee you.

sara said...

Linda, I'll pass on the book, but isn't gravy one of the 4 major food groups? That's what my grandma taught me!!! I do Ken Lee you though!!! :)

Pam from alertandorientedx4 said...

I'd give it a shot...I lost about 20 lbs just eating "better" read here: no lime potato chips or oreos for breakfast and working out at Curves. But now I'm stalled. And I have like ZERO willpower....

Jerri Phillips said...

I'll offer to make mash potatoes and homemade rolls if someone else will fry the chicken and make some gravy, and we can have a big get together and discuss this book.

What do you think?

Teresa said...

Sign me up, Lidna! :o) I'm in desperate need to find something that works for me. I am walking, but the diet is lacking (well, not really lacking, actually quite the opposite!). Anyway, if I win the book I'll pay it forward too. :o)

skoots1mom said...

the only pool i get to be in these days is the car pool...

Nastia got rooked in uneve Ps... :(
This will give her fire to get it back in 2012

are you kidding? 500 calories!
i'm curious to see what this does to your metabolism...was your tummy growling? or better, GROWLING? Zoe may think there's another dog in the house if it growls like mine...
Speaking of Zoe, hug her for me! Some extra "southern drawl" lovin'

: )

Jodie said...

Hey Lidna :) Still thinking about this post and thought I'd pass along a tip for your starvation days. Celery. Eat it. It's practically calorie free because the calories it does contain are burned off from chewing it. True story.
Also, don't enter me for the book. I'd never choose to starve myself, even for one day. Just thinking about it makes me feel the strong urge to go get a snack. Except I already have one right next to me. :)

Robin M. said...

I would really love to try this... thank you for the opportunity!!
rlm2496atyahoodotcom

annie's eyes said...

What is there about gravy and potatoes and donuts? Just lay it on me. I don't need another diet book, but if you figure out how to bottle up willpower, please put me first on that list!
Love Annette

Christine said...

Lid, I Ken Lee you, and while I get a workout every day from laughing when I read your blog, I am a bit too fluffy and need to try something (its the cheese and the chocolate that are my "gravy and cream"). Throw me into the drawing for the book!

Christine

Insight, Insanity, Imagination said...

Thanks for stopping by earlier and leaving me such an encouraging comment. I really needed to hear that - especially from a mom who has kids close to my age.

Thanks!!

Tabi said...

500 calories a day?!?! Seriously....wouldn't that just slow your metobolism down to nothing and work it the opposite way?!?

I too had to go back up to look at your pics agian...couldn't beleive someone called you fluffy then I saw the cat agian!! Great laugh!!

Nancy said...

For years I considered myself "under height" vs "over weight" lol ... but 15 months ago I raised the white flag, followed Weight Watchers lost and have kept off 45lbs (48 on a good week)

Which ever way you try ... just stick to it and it will work, well 'cept the 500 cal a day ... your body will slow waaaaaaay down.

Cate said...

With soo many of us in the gravy pool....how come we not skinny as phelps?? count me in.

Becky said...

"Lid, gravy looks good on you. Now send me that book."

Gravy... GRAVY!!! Isn't it one of the food groups? Maybe on the down days you can just make a gravy smoothie and sip at it throughout the day... Just make sure the total calories is 500 or less.

If I win the book I will create a gravy smoothie recipe for posterity's sake and gravy lovers everywhere!

I love your blog! Gets me laughin' evry time. :-D

Merrie said...

Sounds like a diet I could stick to for a while... at least until the first 500 calories is eaten! How many bags of carrots is that anyway??? I'd love to take a look at the book. Add me to the shuffle... please and thank you!

Marina said...

500 calories no thanks I pass on these book ") marina

Teri said...

I don't need no book, but I Ken Lee without Mamma Mia, or my Lidna!

Cyndy said...

Mama Mia Lidna! Did I ever tell you that I Ken Lee you? That you look FANTASTIC in gravy and that you can send me that book? I am getting fluffier as we speak...I gotta try something. ;D

KellyP said...

I think it would be interesting to read the thoughts behind this diet and how it doesn't kill your metabolism and cause you to kill someone on the down days.

please keep us updated on your progress!

Phyllis@Aimless Conversation said...

The book and approach sound interesting, although I fear if I were to try it, I would be SO MEAN on those 500 calorie days....Still, I would love to lose some weight, so count me in the book give-away and maybe we can do laps in that gravy pool on the off days.

Linda said...

Life is too short for a 500 calorie day. I would be divorced or more likely a widow within the week. I can relate to your cereal bowl. I eat Cheerios every morning, but more than a cup.

Keep us updated with your progress.

Breanne Vasquez said...

I am interested. So how long have you been trying to do it?

Laurie Ann said...

"Lid, gravy looks good on you. Now send me that book." LOL! Seriously, consider me entered if it's not too late. I'm very willing to try it to see how well it works with inflammatory issues.

Anonymous said...

I really want the book becuase my weight is doing the up down thing!

esther.mullett@yahoo.com

JMBMOMMY said...

Wow. Honestly, this sounds crazy to me. Like a constant yo-yo diet. 500 calories just seems crazy to me. And eating whatever you like - or as many calories you want the next day seems even crazier if you are trying to form better, life habits. I struggle with overeating too and recently discovered a course called "The Lord's Table" by settingcaptivesfree.com it is FREE!!! and I am learning so much. The focus is not on losing weight but with the new transforming knowledge I have lost weight. I'll be interested to know how your journey goes with this book....keep us updated.