Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Wordful Wednesday, Because I Can't Be Wordless About These Two Things. Or Anything, Really.

*EDIT: Hair snipping is not as dramatic as stopping his vasectomy the first time, which I did.

Thing 1: "Labor Day Ham."

Look into that pan, people. If you are new here, I refer you to this post or encourage you to search "ham" on this blog. Then you will understand my desperate saga called, "Ham Wars."

And yes, that is a candy thermometer. Don't ask. I'm like Charlie Brown, and the ham is the nemesis football, which is kind of ironic, since footballs are often called "pigskins."

I just want to know what is so freaky-deaky hard about throwing a 10 lb ham into a pan, adding a little water and baking at 325* for 18 minutes per pound?

Should it come out looking like I put it in a kiln? "Good grief!"

Thing 2: Progress Report on my Kitchen

Back on July 30, I posted about being bullied by home-decor TV shows into tearing down my "ghastly" floral border in my kitchen and starting a whole new re-do. I asked for advice on which paper I should use on my accent wall and posted samples for readers to see. As a result, I received, I'm pretty sure, the highest number of comments I've ever received on a regular post in three years of blogging.

You all really care about me. Or about wallpaper. In fact, apparently, you Ken Lee wallpaper.

You will be happy to know that one full month and a couple of days later, I have that wallpaper up! Woot! And I have some color on my walls. And can I just tell you that for my traditional, neutral self, I went WILD.As soon as I get things up on the wall and cabinets re-painted, I'll post.

Thing 2, part B: I am also happy to report that in spite of wallpapering together, and by the grace of God, Jorge and I are still married! Woot!

They say if your marriage can withstand wallpapering or building a new home together, you're good for a lifetime. I think it says a lot that wallpapering is the only single task listed up there with building a building together. I think that speaks to the intensity of the task and the probability of something going terribly wrong.

And it did. Sort of.

I could've sworn I got that first sheet up on the level line.

And I did. Sort of.

You can imagine the low rumble of frustration Jorge felt when he came in to help and our pattern was climbing up the wall.

But we got that all straightened out.

And then at one point, at the end of the long day when we were so beat and our patience was wearing so very thin, I was sitting at the kitchen table doing something with the wallpaper, and Jorge was standing nearby and talking to me about some minuscule thing, and I don't know what possessed him, but he reached out like it was nothing, as if he were brushing a feather off my hair, and SNIPPED MY HAIR WITH SCISSORS.



Can you say, "Unleash the beast!"?

Well, time has passed since then, and he is still walking around, all coherent and everything, so I did no permanent damage.

And the wallpaper is up. I can't wait to show you!

Has your spouse ever done a spur-of-the-moment, totally INSANE thing?


Becky said...

LOL! Our whole marriage is a spur of the moment and totally insane thing... and I wouldn't have it any other way. My Love's nickname... turret boy...seriously... it gets scary sometimes. ;-)

And I am now rethinking my idea to wallpaper the kids' rooms.

Mrs. Who said...

1. I gave up on cooking ham a long time ago. Honey Baked Ham Store, baby.

2. Glad you got the wallpaper up. My daughter just ripped down all the paper in the kitchen and is painting her cabinet. It kinda inspired me. Or made me tired. One or the other.

3. If my husband playfully cut my hair with scissors, I would have to cut him. Not really. But I would want to.

Kim said...

Okay, the ham I always leave to my hubby ~ I think men have a way with making meat.... seems manly, especially on the grill. :)

The wallpaper WOULD be stressful, but worth it if you loved it at the end. Though, the marriage would have another notch in the belt of trials.

THE HAIR??? Well, that's just not ok! It takes us girls way too long to get it long enough & then to get it snipped. Not good.

Thanks for the smiles today....

Smilingsal said...

I think that's grounds for divorce!

Tabi said...

Seriously?!?! He cut your hair???? WHY? Did he ever say why? That is really not cool but really funny! My hubby isn't the one that does those weird, why did you do that? things. Ummm, I am that person!

sara said...

okay, one word for the ham...crockpot!!! It will come out perfectly cooked no matter how long you leave it!!!

and no, my husband has never done anything wacky like that....but i have! Once I asked him for 1/2 of his gum (already in his mouth), he stuck it out and as I went to bite a piece off my eye tooth caught his lip and I bit a HOLE in his lip.....ya, yikes!!! I was so upset, all I could do was LAUGH...not so good when your husband is writhing in pain...oops!

Darlene R. said...

Did I ever tell you about the time I was cutting my husband's hair and forgot that I had taken the guard off of the clippers?

Not pretty.


annie's eyes said...

Hmmm. Scissors and lock of hair nearby after incident. The police report would have speculated it was a homicide, but then they'd see the half-finished wallpaper, and someone would have been exonerated. Now you know why my husband never does anything too crazy...Can't wait to see the pictures and I know you are glad. We have been "building" a farm house for three years, and it has its moments for sure. We're still married, too, and I say that proudly. Love you, A

Mocha with Linda said...

I guess the wallpaper isn't the only thing that's gone up the wall, huh?

I always knew this was a cutting edge blog.

Can't wait to see the pics of the kitchen!

Susanne said...

Hubby and I do not renovate together. We approach jobs way too differently. He does his part of the job and I do mine and we stay happy, happy! :vD

Is your oven temperature correct? It might be your oven is running too hot! Did you have the ham covered? For some reason I feel like I'm being sucked into this vortex of the hame wars. And we must solve this before Christmas! LOL.

skoots1mom said...

Liddie, Liddie, Liddie:
first and foremost when cooking a ham in a steel pan, one must line it with alumninum foil (to prevent your spending three days trying to scrape out the bottom of the pan)
second, an aluminum tent will keep the moisture from the ham close to the ham
third, invest in a meat thermometer...they really work...and America's Home Kitchen recently did a review of the best and cheapest
fourth, the bravest i ever get in remodeling anything w/ my hubby is just painting...even then i don't stroke the walls the way he wants me to...something about a w pattern...who cares?!
Liddie did good
Liddie is pretty
Thank goodness for restraint
and Liddie's not a widdie!!
have a great day...

Dena @ Green Acres said...

We raise pigs, so one thing I do know is ham. My best advice is to forget baking it. Go for the crockpot and you'll never have kiln ham again.

Congrats on getting the wallpaper up. It's true about surviving anything after you redo or build. We built a new home in 2000 and there were days when we probably both had ideas of strangling each other.

The haircut....Oh I can tell you that my hubby would have been sleeping with one eye open after that. LOL Did he say why he did it?

samurai said...

Skoots beat me to it... i was going to recommend the aluminum foil tent and lining too. It works wonders.

My beloved and i don't stay in the same room when cooking - or renovating. ;)

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

Sounds like it's payback time. Get him good!

Debbie said...

Looks like you got several good tips on how you and your hams can reach a "hamonious" balance.

Can't wait to see the finished kitchen.

And, as for your last question - you've met my husband so you know insane, spur-of-the-moment happens at least once a week at my house.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

But Deb, if he cut your hair, he would be missing a hand, wouldn't he?!

Tammy said...

First of all, I'm so so so so so behind. Like five posts. I've been trying to play catch up but you just write way to fast some weeks, dear Linda!

Love the picture of your little guy below who just went to college! Awww....

And your post about waiting for pizza dude to tell you the special was SO HALARIOUS!!! You have such a gift for humor it always amazes me!

Now...about the ham being Charlie Brown's football...that one part would have stood on it's own! :D
And yes, I remember how the comments on your wallpaper came in masses, didn't it?
But as for the hair snip of Hubby's....did he even tell you what he was thinking? Probably he wasn't thinking...or perhaps it was all the stress of wallpapering...
The most insane thing my hubby did was actually before we were married. It's a whole long story for a post someday...but after a year of dating, and we hit kind of a rocky patch in our relationship, he at age 33 went to the recruiting office and signed on the dotted line without ever uttering a word in what he had been thinking.
Amazing that we still got married and have two children, isn't it???


Misty said...

wow. vegetarian here so no help w/ the ham (altho i've cooked lots of meat before just no ham)... the crock pot suggestions sound pretty good tho
and he snipped your hair???? wow.

Chel - An Abiding Branch said...

Linda my friend I have one word and IT lasts all day long!! I am never wordless either and especially beware if I say well I don't really want to talk. lol

I am glad you got your wall paper up. I am still thinking over all my walls, I just wish they did talk!! lol

Have a blessed day and thank you for your encouragement it really does go a longggg way!


Sing4joy said...

I should just know better by now than to leave more than one of your posts lying around at a time waiting to be read. More than that and the laughter becomes dangerous! Like seriously, I am going to split my side, or my pants, or at least pee in them! Consider me learned.

Laurie Ann said...

The ham thing....that's Steve's arena. He smokes it or we buy it fully cooked and we heat it to "warm". I love ham but cooking it is a nightmare. Not so much for Steve.

The wallpaper looks gorgeous! I love it.

He snipped your hair? He SNIPPED your hair? The closest to insane Steve has ever gotten on me was when he answered, "That's fine, honey" to the question, "Can I sell your daughter on eBay?" She had gone teenager on me, and obviously he wasn't paying attention. I didn't sell her.

Ballerina Girl said...

Can't wait to see the wallpaper!
I think my husband has not done anything like that....
not that I can remember actually! LOL
Don't worry, it's just hair, right?!

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Can't wait to see the pictures of your new kitchen. Don't leave us hanging too long. :-)

I hope he snipped your hair in an inconspicuous area.

Not grounds for divorce but definitely grounds for one evil look. :-)

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

Now I am convinced that you need a new oven. Seriously, the temp in there is not right. ;>)

Cheri said...

Thanks for stopping by and visiting my 30 Days of Nothing saga!

My husband and I (and his father) gutted and redid a bathroom together. Can a person divorce their father in law...?

We've bordered together as well.

We're still married. However, I cannot drive stickshift in a car because him trying to teach me may be setting us up for the big D

thouartloosed said...

Are you SURE you are baking that ham on 325? Cause that ham looks a little like maybe 525. Just askin.
I thought my hubby had done some crazy things until I read this blog! Nothing he has ever done has been life-threatening(to him) like putting scissors to my hair would be.

Miss Sandy said...

My condolences on the ham and the hair! My husband and I survived putting wallpaper on the ceiling in our entryway, barely! I am not sure what they use for glue on the back of that stuff but when you squeegy it out and it plops down on your hair and oozes over your bare skin like a slimy slug while your husband makes gross sneezing sounds,well, it is grounds for divorce!

Deven said...

What in tarrrrrrnation!?! Hair? REALLY? Thankfully, Stephen has yet to do anything quite like that. Of the two of us, I am far more likely to do off-the-wall things, but I'd like to think I wouldn't go there. Weird.

PJ said...

Wow! that will be some sizzling wallpaper! And the altercation with Jorge...Classic!!! My hubby isn't impulsive...but he's done some wild things with FORETHOUGHT!!! Pre-meditate craziness.

As for the ham...we can hang it from my ceiling along with my biscuit dough!!! Who could complain about that?

40winkzzz said...

Thing One: That's why I don't even *try* anymore to cook stuff like that, at least not in the oven. If I can't do it in my crock pot, I don't do it.

Thing Two: It only took you a month and a few days before you got the wallpaper up? Honestly, at our house it would be at least 4 months. At least. We have had a bedsheet hanging over our new bedroom picture window for 11 months. We've talked about blinds, looked at blinds, priced blinds several times, even tentatively picked out blinds. But we haven't ordered any. (And once we do and they arrive, they will spend at least a couple weeks sitting on the bedroom floor before they go up. Really.)

I'm not very good at being wordless, either.

Justice Jonesie said...

I love baked ham but I stick to Honey Baked. I'm normally not good at the "easy" traditional type meals. My best cooking is always spur of the moment creations that I get from places I have eaten.

I'm new to your blog and can't wait to see your pictures of the new kitchen!

Justice Jonesie said...

I love baked ham but I stick to Honey Baked. I'm normally not good at the "easy" traditional type meals. My best cooking is always spur of the moment creations that I get from places I have eaten.

I'm new to your blog and can't wait to see your pictures of the new kitchen!