Monday, August 16, 2010
The Fire, The Biker, and the Bulldozer
They say things come in three's.
3 Billy Goats Gruff
3 Times I have to wave at the person at the 4-way stop before he truly believes I mean "Please go now."
3 Times a Lady (Lionel Ritchie and the Commodores, who never should've split)
3 Pee-pees by my dog on her potty pad until I have to change it
3 People in front of me (not necessarily Stooges) in the Wowmart line until they close it and I have to race those 3 to the next open line.
3 Open check out lanes at Wowmart out of 400.
3 Bee Gees. Plus Andy Gibb, the 4th, Gibb, but he and another Gibb Brother are deceased, so really, 2 Bee Gees. That is the only story problem I've ever worked correctly.
First I reported about setting the table on fire (maybe) at my friend's daughter's wedding reception. Then I told you about the biker who hit me from behind when I was walking.
I realized I have neglected to tell you about the 3rd incident this week: the day I knocked a toddler down.
Oh yes I did.
I was leaving the doctor's office where you get that annual appointment featuring paper aprons and humiliation, and as we are all prone do, darted out the exit as if I were being shot out of a cannon.
Ka-boom! I heard a thud near the bottom of the door, and realized, "I have hit something small. Probably not a cat. OHmygosh, I have hit a baby!"
A baby it was. In fact, it could not walk. He must have crawled away from his mom, pulled himself up on the door, and then had the surprise of his young life when the door flew open and knocked him backwards.
Oh, the agony. (Me, not the baby, who just seemed stunned.)
I apologized profusely (a theme in my life) as the mother apologized to me for letting him get away. We both felt awful.
All day long, I just kept thinking, "I knocked down a baby. I knocked down a baby. What kind of person bulldozes a baby?"
The only bright spot in this is that it was my 3rd "incident" in a week, so I should be good now.
Until next week.
And yeah, I know you think I make this stuff up, but I don't. I truly knocked down a BABY.