Monday, August 16, 2010

The Fire, The Biker, and the Bulldozer

They say things come in three's.


3 Billy Goats Gruff
3 Times I have to wave at the person at the 4-way stop before he truly believes I mean "Please go now."
3 Times a Lady (Lionel Ritchie and the Commodores, who never should've split)
3 Pee-pees by my dog on her potty pad until I have to change it
3 Stooges
3 People in front of me (not necessarily Stooges) in the Wowmart line until they close it and I have to race those 3 to the next open line.
3 Open check out lanes at Wowmart out of 400.
3 Bee Gees. Plus Andy Gibb, the 4th, Gibb, but he and another Gibb Brother are deceased, so really, 2 Bee Gees. That is the only story problem I've ever worked correctly.


First I reported about setting the table on fire (maybe) at my friend's daughter's wedding reception. Then I told you about the biker who hit me from behind when I was walking.

I realized I have neglected to tell you about the 3rd incident this week: the day I knocked a toddler down.

Oh yes I did.

I was leaving the doctor's office where you get that annual appointment featuring paper aprons and humiliation, and as we are all prone do, darted out the exit as if I were being shot out of a cannon.

Ka-boom! I heard a thud near the bottom of the door, and realized, "I have hit something small. Probably not a cat. OHmygosh, I have hit a baby!"

A baby it was. In fact, it could not walk. He must have crawled away from his mom, pulled himself up on the door, and then had the surprise of his young life when the door flew open and knocked him backwards.

Oh, the agony. (Me, not the baby, who just seemed stunned.)

I apologized profusely (a theme in my life) as the mother apologized to me for letting him get away. We both felt awful.

All day long, I just kept thinking, "I knocked down a baby. I knocked down a baby. What kind of person bulldozes a baby?"

The only bright spot in this is that it was my 3rd "incident" in a week, so I should be good now.

Until next week.

And yeah, I know you think I make this stuff up, but I don't. I truly knocked down a BABY.


Kelly Combs said...

Where is that number for social services? Just kidding!

His Love Extended--Julie Gorman said...

Oh my goodness you are hillarious...glad the trauma is over for the!

Mocha with Linda said...

You crack me up! Were you this incident-prone as a child?

And regarding the 3s, which do you think is true more often: 3rd time's the charm or 3 strikes and you're out?!

Melanie @ This Ain't New York said...

Those toddlers can be dangerous.

You crack me up.

Pam from alertandorientedx4 said...

But did you get any of it on tape? Because that stuff could be worth money on Funniest Videos. Or World's Worst ________. Just sayin'.

Katie :o) said...

Oh, dear! As a frequent knocker-overer-of-music-stands, I pride myself on my colassal clumsiness... but you might have me beat :o)