That's What I Love About You

Thirteen Things I Love About My Husband, Jorge

1. He lets me put my cold feet on him. He is a furnace, or as Margaret Thatcher has reportedly called him, a "hunka-hunka burnin' love."

2. Every night, to help me get to sleep, he puts up with the noise of an air purifier, a space heater and a TV which is set to automatically shut off in one hour. It's actually penance for when he broke up with me in college, but he doesn't know it.

3. He eats anything I cook. In 23 years, he has never once said, "No thanks" because something turned out badly, which happens at least weekly. However, I will probably pay for his kindness when his stomach gives up someday because I'll have to take care of him 24/7 and have no one to blame but myself for cooking for him.

4. He has his own "library" in the corner of our family room. He has an old La-Z-Boy recliner with two end tables at each side stacked with books and a small wicker wastebasket under one table. ? (Doesn't every library have to have books AND a wastebasket?) He reads or works on his laptop in the library, and sometimes he wears great big spongy headphones to block out the noise in the family room. Sometimes, for no reason and when it's already really quiet, he just randomly pipes up with, "SHHHHH. I'M IN THE LIBRARY." It cracks me up because it's kind of like a kid who jumps off the sofa and claims he's flying.

5. He watches LOST. I'd hate to have to divorce after 23 years if this were not so, but I think it's a "deal-breaker" for both of us if one quits watching at this point. He won't tell me who he thinks the prettiest girl on the show is because he's afraid of me. He's like, "There are girls on the show?"

6. He is good to and loves my parents. He gets a bazillion points for this. He even put up with it good naturedly when for years my mom claimed, "I can't get used to his name. He looks like a 'David.'" And very often she called him "David." It's kind of like when Endora called Darrin "Darwood" and "Derwin," etc., all the time. Uh, that would make him married to a witch. Hmmm. BTW, my calling him "Jorge" is not anything like what my mom did. Not at all.

7. He helps me with computer stuff. I think God made me computer-dumb just to provide Jorge with many trials by fire. You know; God wants to see how he'll handle the next "computer situation with Lidna."

8. He kind of has the Absent-Minded Professor syndrome. He's a little scattered in some areas, but he makes up for it in smartness. He is the smartest person I've ever met. People think he's smart, but they don't really know how smart he is. Only I know that, and so I blackmail him by withholding that info, or people would constantly be recruiting him to be Al Gore's assistant. Because God created Jorge just a little lower than the angels Al Gore.

9. He spoils me with little acts of kindness, like putting gas in my car and putting it in the garage, or dusting because of my allergies, or scrubbing tubs because of my skin issues, or dropping me off at doors in bad weather, or putting a blanket over me when I nap. As Tavares so eloquently sang in the 1976: "Heaven Must Be Missin' An Angel."

10. He's planning something for Valentine's Day that I do not know about yet. Here's hoping it's 3 or 4 Vermont Teddy Bears.

11. He is 46 but his body looks like he's 36 or 26. Seriously. When he plays football in the yard with a baseball cap turned around, my heart flutters.

12. He has compassion for the marginalized and poverty-stricken.

13. He reads this blog every day and often tells me how great/funny my writing is. Or we'll just be out to dinner or riding in the car and he'll insert something I've written from a post into conversation. I think he's totally buttering me up, but it works.

*Bonus* Last but not least: He sees something in me that makes him love me, and I don't know what it is, but I'm ever-so-glad.

Love you, Honey!

And now, here is my Valentine's Day card to Jorge. You make me feel like dancing. In a red jumpsuit, like this:

I Love the 70s Thursday Thirteen

I’m dropping in on Thursday Thirteen for the first time in a long time because I had a quirky thought about some 70s songs this week and said to myself, “Hey. That sounds like a TT.” And that’s how genius is born, my friends.

“My friends.” Oh, Senator McCain. Please stop saying that phrase; I beg of you. Please.

OK -- Thirteen 70s songs which contain funky stories.

These are not just odes like Elton John’s “Daniel,” or love songs, or songs about an event like when Buddy Holly died and Don McLean wrote that song which I won’t name here because then it will be stuck in my head for 6 weeks.

No, these are songs that have a beginning, middle and end, a narrative, if you will. I have listed either the writer or artist after the title. And here they are, my friends:

13. Bad, Bad Leroy Brown. (Jim Croce, 1972). My 5th grade music teacher let us sing this song, but he was very adamant that we weren’t going to substitute some “pansy” word like “darn” for the “d” word in the song. As a result, when we came to the crucial lyric, half the class laughed uncontrollably, half the class yelled the “d” word, and I took the road less traveled by, and sat there mute and fearful that a lightning bolt was going to take out half of my classmates for swearing. That teacher was … not smart.

12. Brandy. (Looking Glass, 1972). Brandy the barmaid's story painted the strongest case for the feminist cause, ever. When I hear this song, I always want to say, “Brandy, you don’t need no stinkin’ sailor. Go back to school, get your degree, travel--see the world yourself instead of listening to some blowhard’s tall tales. Stop waiting around on that scalawag sea dawg.” I like to imagine that Brandy invented those little paper baskets that hold chips and pickles and became an independent, powerful multi-millionaire chain restaurant owner. Or something.

11. Wildfire. (Michael Martin Murphy, 1975). A horse “busted down” its stall and got lost in a blizzard. Then the narrator felt haunted by the horse and some girl who ran calling “Wildfire.” The end.

10. Indiana Wants Me. (R. Dean Taylor, 1970). Somebody dissed somebody’s woman, so the narrator killed the disser. And somehow, Indiana, my state, got mixed up in this awful song which includes sirens and the actual words: “This is the police. You are surrounded. Give yourself up.” Given a choice between hearing this song and being shot by the police, I might take the bullet.

9. The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia. (Vicki Lawrence, 1972). So, Little Sister is singing this song about her older brother’s wife who cheated with everyone in town. Through a strange and totally implausible chain of events, Brother goes off to kill his friend, Andy, who cheated with the wife, but discovers that someone has already killed him. In a flash of brilliancy, Brother fires his gun in the air to summon a passing sheriff but is found standing over the body with a literal smoking gun. Brother is then hauled off, tried for murder and executed at midnight, which apparently sucked all the electricity out of the entire state of Georgia, in spite of the fact that he was hanged, not electrocuted. Plot twist: Little Sister done it for her big brother [“Gee, thanks, Sis!”] and got away with it.

8. Delta Dawn. (Helen Reddy, 1973). A beautiful girl gets jilted then walks around town with a suitcase in her hand for pretty much the rest of her life, or at least until she's 41, at which point her daddy still calls her "Baby." So she's got more than one problem. Modern day Miss Havisham.

7. Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves. (Cher, 1971). The narrator, a 16 year-old girl, reminisces about the zany life after “being born in the wagon of a travelin’ show.” It wasn’t pretty, but Cher was, so everyone cheered and bought the album.

6. I Shot the Sheriff. (Eric Clapton, 1974). I think this is a song about perceived retributional justice, with the stoopid rationale for shooting the sheriff being, “Reflexes got the better of me/And what is to be must be.” He did not like it that the sheriff had it in for him, so his trigger finger got “itchy.” Noble, indeed.

5. Honey. (Bobby Goldsboro). Sad songs, they say so much. OK, this one’s about a guy who’s missing his “Honey,” who died. It’s a sappy, sad, sad song, which actually includes the lyrics: “She was always young at heart/kinda dumb and kinda smart” Nothing says “love” like a back-handed compliment. “Honey” planted a tree, and now it has grown big. And that is sad, my friends.

4. My Eyes Adored You. (Frankie Valli, 1975). Pre-pubescent, innocent love that haunts a grown man even after he has found fortune and fame. Contains the name of a bridge which confused every listener who never heard of “Barnegat Bridge and Bay.” It is a real bridge in New Jersey. Looking at this picture, I can’t help but think they’re lucky they made it past 6th grade since they walked that treacherous route every day.

3. Cat’s in the Cradle. (Harry Chapin, 1974). This song preys on every fear that conscientious parents have about not spending enough time with their kids. The lesson is, if you ignore kids, they will grow up to be just like you, a bad person/parent, and they will probably stick you in a nursing home and never come see you, and you deserve it, you bad, bad parent.

2. The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. (Gordon Lightfoot, 1976). Possibly the worst, funniest song every written, imho. “The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee.” Any song with the words “Gitche Gumee” and “Cleveland” in the lyrics doesn’t lend itself to elegiac stanzas, but Gordon overcame those challenges, and unbelievably, this dirge made it all the way to #2 on the Billboard Hot 100. Next time you have a party, have everyone link elbows, sway, and take big, sloppy drinks of ale from frothy mugs while you sing this song at the tops of your lungs. Good times!

1. Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree. (Dawn, Featuring Tony Orlando, 1973). This song is #37 on Billboard’s Greatest Songs of All Time, selling 3 million in 3 weeks. Wow. We must have loved that song even more than I remember (I was 11). Plot: Ex-con is returning home but is afraid to look at the old oak tree, because if the ribbon’s not there, he’s gonna have to bust some heads. No, just kidding. He’ll be … sad … and he’ll “stay on the bus, forget about us, put the blame on me,” but it turns out he’s wringing his hands and asking the bus driver to look for him for no reason because lo and behold—100 ribbons are around that old oak tree! Everyone on the bus cheered! We just know they lived happily ever after, right?! Right!

And there you are, my friends, 13 story-telling songs of the 70s!

Thursday Thirteen - City Names I've Known and Loved From Sitemeter

13 Favorite US city names from visitors to my blog:

1. Bala Cynwyd, PA

Is this an elfin name? I have no idea how to pronounce it.

2. Niceville, FL

Insert great big smiley face on water tower.

3. Schuylkill, PA

Does this name rhyme with "chill pill?"

4. Chickamauga, GA

Current Mayor of Chickamauga: Ray Crowder. Current Recorder: Juanita Crowder. Crowder + Crowder = conflict of interest = "Scandal in Chickamauga," the next "Dateline with Stone Phillips."

5. Rancho Cucamonga, CA

According to Wikipedia: In popular media, "Cucamonga" has been recognized as a funny-sounding place name. One of the catch-phrases of the radio show "The Jack Benny Program" involved a train announcer (Mel Blanc) who said over the loudspeaker, "Train now leaving on track five for Anaheim, Azusa, and Cuc... amonga," taking progressively longer pauses between "Cuc" and "amonga." Gee, the joke kind of loses something in translation.

6. Jerusalem, PA

I'll never get to the real Jerusalem, but I could make it to Jerusalem, PA, and technically be telling the truth when I say I've been to Jerusalem.

7. Flippin, AK

Does every citizen of Flippin know the official salute?

8. Aiken, SC

Clay keeps accumulating honors and awards. When will it ever be enough, Clay?!

9. Carefree, AZ

Wear a gauzy dress and swing high to the treetops in halcyon, Carefree, AZ.

10. Waxhaw, NC

This city, like my own fair city, has a female mayor. Good for you, Waxhaw. Wax-on, Wax-haw.

11. Sammamish, WA

Don't miss the city council meeting, Tuesday, Mar. 18, 2008, 6:30-10 p.m., City Hall at Sammamish Commons - Council Chambers. B there or B Square. What? You missed it? I can mail you a transcript for only $24.95.

12. Mustang, OK

I went to Mustang's home page and found this: Mustang employs cutting edge Internet technology to provide its citizens with the utmost in economic and expedient services. Interestingly, I tried to click around the site, but it was not working. The city of Mustang might want to edit that statement.

13. Lititz, PA

First of all, let me say that according to Sitemeter, the new bathroom scale, someone really loves me in Lititz. A little Internet trip to Lititz informed me that it is in the heart of Lancaster County, PA, which I have visited and loved. Here's one example of why: Every Second Friday of each month, 5-8 p.m., local residents and visitors alike are invited to head to downtown Lititz, PA, a cool, safe and comfortable place for family and friends to get together-all ages welcome. Enjoy dinner downtown then take a relaxing stroll down the streets of our historic village - take your time! I love Lititiz so much that I want this Lititz promo tattooed over my heart.

Thursday Thirteen Sweet Love Songs and Eugene Field

OK, these are not the greatest songs ever written or performed, artistically speaking. So what. I wanted to highlight 13 really sweet, upbeat pop songs about love--save the ballads for another time. When these sweety-sweet goofy songs come on the radio, I smile and sing along. They're they kind of song that gets stuck in the groove of your brain for a day or two. Ready?

13. Sugar Sugar - The Archies
12. The Things We Do for Love - 10cc
11. Happy Together - The Turtles
10. Every Little Thing She Does is Magic - The Police
09. Laughter in the Rain - Neil Sedaka
08. Love Will Keep us Together - The Captain and Tennille
07. You are the Woman - Firefall
06. Kiss on My List - Hall and Oates
05. You are the Sunshine of My Life - Steve Wonder
04. I'm a Believer - The Monkees
03. Baby, Baby - Amy Grant
02. Still the One - Orleans
01. Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) - Edison Lighthouse
[The one that's been going through my head for two days now.]

That's the end of TT, but if you'd like to read a Valentine's poem, forge ahead.

One night at my elementary school's open house when I was in kindergarten or first grade, I saw my father smile at one of my papers displayed on a wall along with all of my classmates'. I asked him why he was smiling. He replied, "What does that say?" I remember tilting my head up, but I couldn't read it. Then I remembered what I had written and said, "Eugene Field." That was the name of my school, and I had drawn a picture of my school and put the name on the front. That memory always stayed with me because I could tell he was stifling a laugh under that smile, but I couldn't figure out what was so funny.

Years later, I found that paper and realized I had mistakenly written, "Eugene Fled." I'm guessing it struck him funny as in, "Eugene has left the building. Down with school."

That little school has long been defunct, and I hadn't thought about Eugene Field in a long time. Today, I happened across his name on the good old Internet, so I checked his bio. He was a poet of whimsy whose work was much loved by children, and thus several schools were named after him. Lo and behold, a couple of his most famous poems were about Valentine's Day.

And with that, I now share a sweet poem by Eugene Fled Field. Keep in mind he died at 45 (1850-1895), but he and his "Valentine" produced eight children. So apparently, Eugene was around home a lot more than he fled.


Accept, dear girl, this little token,
And if between the lines you seek,
You'll find the love I've often spoken
The love my dying lips shall speak.

Our little ones are making merry
O'er am'rous ditties rhymed in jest,
But in these words (though awkward very)
The genuine article's expressed.

You are as fair and sweet and tender,
Dear brown-eyed little sweetheart mine,
As when, a callow youth and slender,
I asked to be your Valentine.

What though these years of ours be fleeting?
What though the years of youth be flown?
I'll mock old Tempus with repeating,
"I love my love and her alone!"

And when I fall before his reaping,
And when my stuttering speech is dumb,
Think not my love is dead or sleeping,
But that it waits for you to come.

So take, dear love, this little token,
And if there speaks in any line
The sentiment I'd fain have spoken,
Say, will you kiss your Valentine?

To my own Eugene: will you kiss your Valentine??

1981

Thursday Thirteen: 13 of My Favorite LOST Quotes-Can You Tag Them?

Thirteen of My Favorite LOST Quotes. Some I couldn't resist writing with the appropriate "accent." Do you know who said them?


1. Dude, you've got some Arzt on ya.

2. Well, look at that! Somebody's hooked on phonics!

3. They'll find us. They have satellites in space that can take pictures of your license plate. Reply: If only we were all wearing license plates.

4. Oh, I stole his kidney, and he never got over it.

5. What about My-kurr? (Michael)

6. See ya in anotha' life, brotha'!

7. Did you just kill that bunny?

8. Vissent! Vissent! You get back here, Vissent! [Vincent]

9. I have something I think you should see. If you don't mind, I will begin at the beginning. Long before Christ, the king of Judah was a man named Josiah.
Reply: Boy when you say beginning, you mean beginning.

10. I only made out with him because torturing him didn't work.

11. How exactly does something like this happen?
Reply: Are you on the same island as I am?"

12. Yew sty a-wy from mah by-bee, Chollie! [You stay away from my baby, Charlie!]

13. 1) This is how people get killed in scary movies. Reply: If this was a scary movie I'd be with a hot chick, not you, Barbar. 1) It's Babar.

BONUS:
Probably my favorite, for some reason: "You two arguing over who's your favorite Other?"



ANSWERS:

1. Hurley
2. Sawyer
3. Charlie, Sayid
4. Locke's father
5. Sun
6. Desmond
7. Sawyer
8. Walt
9. Eko, Locke
10. Kate
11. Rousseau, Hurley
12. Claire
13. Hurley, Sawyer

Bonus: Sawyer to Jack and Juliet

Thursday Thirteen: Sawyerisms

We are new converts to LOST. We began season 1 over Christmas break, and we are now in the middle of season 3. We will not make it all the way through by tonight, so we have a TiVo season pass for season 4.

People have been asking my why I have fallen in love with this show. I was trying to explain my new addiction to my 82 year-old mom yesterday. Do you know what she replied?

“There used to be a show like that a long time ago. Remember? You used to watch it; what was it called? Oh, what was that now …You know; that show about the island … and the people?”

I thought for a second. Then it hit me.

“You mean ‘Gilligan’s Island’?”

“Yes! That dumb old show. I never could see why anyone would like that. Who would watch a show about people on an island? And how many things can happen once you’re on an island, anyway?”

“Well, Mom, LOST is definitely not ‘Gilligan’s Island’. And many interesting things can happen on an island. Trust me.”

Then we switched to a topic everyone should be interested in: her not sleeping and what she ate for lunch.

If you haven’t watched this show; what do YOU talk about??!!

Anyway, a character that we love to hate and love to love is Sawyer. And one of the reasons we love/hate him is because he’s kind of like a modern Archie Bunker, completely politically incorrect and irascible. He has a grudge against and a derogatory nickname for everyone. The expression on his face in this picture is how this character wakes up. He's a mean cuss. But a mean cuss with a heart of gold. I think. This guy has been beaten up so many times that he should look like the string of flesh that holds a baby tooth in a kid's mouth. And yet, you can't keep this good 'ol southern boy with a soft spot for Freckles down.

So we have taken to keeping a list of nicknames, which has become a sort of game while we watch. If you don’t know the character and just read these names here, they will not interest you in the least and will not be humorous, especially because they are politically incorrect. But if you’re a fan, you’ll definitely appreciate

MY THURSDAY THIRTEEN SAWYERISMS

1. Jack: Dr. Quinn, Florence Nightingale, Dudley Do Right, Amarillo Slim, Daniel Boone
2. Kate: Freckles, Pippi Longstocking
3. Hurley: Babar, Stay Puff, Re-run, Deep Dish
4. Charlie: Reject from VH-1’s Has Beens, Menudo, I of the Needle, Baby Napper
5. Jin: Mr. Miagi, Ching Chang Walla Walla Bing Bang
6. Walt: Tattoo
7. Sayid: Kip, Sheik, Aladdin, Al Jazeera, Allah McBeal
8. Ana Lucia: Little Red Riding Hood
9. Libby: Moonbeam
10. Boone: Metro
11. Shannon: Sticks, Sweetcheeks
12. Henry: Artist Formerly Known as Henry
13. Back to Jack to round out the list: Marvelous Welby

TT: Favorite 70s Songs (My Teenage Years)

1974, 1976 (8th grade, 14 years old), 1976 (also 8th grade), 1978 (15 years old. Happily, my teeth grew together.)

In no particular order:

1. "Lady (You Bring me Up When I'm Down)" The Commodores
2. "September" Earth, Wind and Fire
3. "I'll Be Around" The Spinners
4. "Don't Bring Me Down" ELO
5. "The Things We Do for Love" 10cc
6. "Dancing in the Moonlight" King Harvest
7. "Lowdown" Bozz Scaggs
8. "Keep On Loving You" REO Speedwagon
9. "Locomotion" Grand Funk Railroad
10."How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?" Bee Gees
11."I Go Crazy" Paul Davis
12. "Running on Empty" Jackson Browne
13. "Still the One" Orleans

TT: Places People Forget to Clean

My mom was a clean-a-holic. When I was growing up, she did what other people called spring cleaning on a very regular basis. For instance, she pulled out heavy furniture and swept behind it weekly. Then she would rearrange the furniture. If you came into a dark room in the early morning, sometimes you had to think fast because a recliner might be in front of you when it was across the room when you went to bed. I'm talking cleaning baseboards weekly. If had you put my mom in a ring against June Cleaver, I'd bet on my mom. She never waved no stinkin' feather duster at dust; She Chuck Norrised her dust. So in honor of Mom, I present: Thirteen Places/Things People Forget to Clean.

1. That grill at the bottom of your refrigerator that covers the filter.

2. Your dryer filter. Take it out, scrape it, clean it under running water.

3. Your keyboard.

4. The threshold of your front door. Your entrance makes a first impression. People look down right before they step in or while they're waiting there at the door before you've answered.

5. Shelves of your medicine cabinet.

6. Your kitchen canister lids.

7. The welcome mat. (Again, first impressions ...)

8. The dog's teeth. Yes, you put a rubber tip on your finger and use doggie paste and brush that canine's canines.

9. Hairbrush and comb. Get the hair out, shampoo it in hot water.

10. Hand prints around doorknobs.

11. Dashboard of the car.

12. Window sills.

13. Belly button. Mom always asked, "Did you clean your belly button? People forget that sometimes, you know." I thought my mom was so weird for having that navel dirt phobia. And then I had my own kids. I am still reminding them, "Did you clean out your belly button?" and they are rolling their eyes and saying, "Ewww. Gross!" What can I say? Cleanliness is not for sissies. And if Chuck Norris knew what was good for him, he would never dare wear his shoes inside my mom's house.

Do you have any miscellaneous dust-buster reminders?

Thursday Thirteen: American Idol

13 Reasons to Watch American Idol


1. Because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

2. Because it's the show that proves your mother isn't always right. Especially if she says, "Why, honey, you can too sing!"

3. In the tradition of Bogie and Bacall, Tracy and Hepburn, and Bonnie and Clyde: the sexual tension between Cowell and Abdul. Creepy, but riveting.

4. Because a person just can't hear Randy say "Dawg" too many times in a span of 60 minutes ... or seven years. He just never says it the same way twice.

5. Psychology students can count watching as a "clinical."

6. To see great talents like Kelly, Clay, Carrie and William Hung emerge.

7. To see how much taller Ryan has grown over summer break.

8. Blake-N-Bake, Baby







9. To see Ryan sass Simon.

10. Because when you call in or text your vote, you've done your patriotic civic duty. No need to vote in any other elections.


11. Because she might return.




















12. Because Melinda Doolittle was worth the agony of it all!

13. Because a thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Thirteen Reasons My Husband is Not Allowed to Die Yet

It always hits me when he travels ... the "what if" syndrome. You know, "what if" he dies and I am left with the weight of the world on my shoulders, the shoulders now stripped of any '80s power foam padding. Vulnerable shoulders.

Anyway.

Here are 13 reasons why my husband is NOT allowed to die yet.

1. This morning I tried to plunge our clogged toilet to freedom. No go. So I called Husband in, and down it went, tout de suite. Now, he may have plunged it in his underwear and splashed yicky water all over everything while he went at it like a jackhammer, but he got it done. Sometimes "effective" isn't pretty.

2. My daughter's homework notes say that our sun is the most powerful source of renewable energy. It is not. It is my husband. His radiating heat is vital for surviving December in Indiana when you first get in bed at night and you're freezing your Hoosiers off. He is the heat meister.

3. I don't do math past 10. Not 10:00; I mean the numeral ten. He was a math major. Someone has to count out our daughter's lunch money each week.

4. If he died, who would drop me off at the door when it's raining (or snowing, or windy, or crowded ...)?


5. He is the last remaining person on earth who can look me straight in the eye with a straight face and the conviction of Rhett to Scarlett about her drapery dress and say, "Linda, that meal was delicious."

6. Some people make such a fuss over three little words: "I love you." Yeah, they're OK, but I am also very fond of another set of three little words he expresses often and creatively: "You're not _____." [old], [crazy], [frumpy], [dumpy], [chubby], [Sneezy], [Doc].

7. He is the official turkey-lifter-outer of the oven at holidays. This is a significant cornerstone in the structure of our marriage. If he died, I just might have to re-marry to fill this void.

8. If he died before me, who would serve as the sounding board to all my great opinions, deep thoughts, questions about why people are dumb, the re-telling of my dreams, my fashion dilemmas and crying jags? He is the greatest listener. He just sits there quietly, always remaining calm no matter how agitated I am, breathing in, breathing out ... making that buzzing noise in his nose and head and reacting to my most exciting stories with sudden jerks as if he's falling or something, but really, he's in total "deep listening" mode.

9. Who would translate the garbled dialogue and convoluted plot structure of his British mystery movies for me? Who would wake me when they're over and tell me to go to bed?

10. There would be nobody around to reminisce about the time our high school vocab teacher, Mr. Wallace, went off on our mutual friend Mark and sent him to the Dean on the very first day of class. (An inextirpable 1980 vocab flashback.)

Reasons 11,12,and 13: I need help with these wild creatures who are not all the way raised up yit:





PS: He has returned home safe and sound. And ready to listen all about my day.

Nativity Scramble

I'm doing this at 5:00 am, so if you can't unscramble any, it's probably because I've gotten myself one key off on the keyboard and now none of the words are real words. But knock yourself out, anyway. PS: You could print these and kill some down-time when your kids are home from school.

1. hmseisa

2. mheetlheb

3. nkedyo

4. nlaasmi

5. renpienke

6. phorwis

7. nroyuej

8. rceksfnenina

9. rtecbaele

10. vasiro

11. narniactio

12. laceign oths

13. sseunc

Thursday Thirteen

Thursday Thirteen Top 13 Signs You’re Stressing Out/Over-doing Christmas

1. When you’re trapped in the Walmart baking aisle and cannot extricate yourself, you start whispering, “I’m really in Times Square … I’m really in Times Square ….”

2. You have so many ornaments and trinkets on display that you can’t dust, but you just pretend it’s snow.

3. When you’re worshipping in church, you sing like Bing Crosby.

4. You feel pressured to buy gifts for everyone, even tiny leather gloves for the gingerbread men that you baked.

5. You bought so many gifts you can use the receipts to wrap gifts.

6. You hung tiny Christmas lights on the crèche and put a “Baby’s First Christmas” Santa hat on the baby Jesus.

7. You bake so much that you just keep your oven mitts on. They can also double as driving gloves.

8. You Photoshopped cute, angelic kids’ faces over the tops of your urchins for the annual family Christmas photo. Image is everything.

9. You claim that the flour covering your kitchen and kids and the lint on your clothes and dandruff on your shoulders are all part of the fake snow decor.

10. You drag your kids kicking and screaming away from Santa only to discover upon buckling them in car seats that they are actually Santa’s mall elves.

11. You threaten to send your kids to Rudolph’s Isle of Misfits if they don’t straighten up.

12. You renamed your dog max and put reindeer antlers on him.

13. You’re smiling in your mug shot, because although you got arrested for brawling with another woman and knocking her to the ground in Macy’s, you got the last sparkly snowman suede shirt. Victory!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things ...

List is below pics.



















Thursday Thirteen 13 Favorite Christmas Toys

Hobby Horse
Easy Bake Oven
Nurse's kit
Give a Show Projector (showed still cartoons on the wall)
Toy piano 1964
Sets of plastic dishes
Baby dolls
Strollers
Barbies, esp. Malibu Barbie
Record player and Donny Osmond records (early 70s)
Crissy the doll whose hair grew out of her head
Talking Baby Beans - slept with this one for years
Baby First Step - notice the peace sign I'm giving: "Peace on Earth, goodwill toward me and all my toys."

Thursday Thirteen

This is our "everyday" table for November. There's nothing fancy going on there, but I love the colorful table cloth, which I purchased at Kohls. I also purchased the red leaf dish with the pears in it at Kohls. The other pieces I already had. This picture really doesn't do the cloth justice; you should click on it to see the detail better. Thus I present: thirteen simple table setting ideas you can use even before you get to Thanksgiving, not necessarily mine because I tweaked a lot of other ideas:

1. You can create a simple yet elegant place setting by arranging pillar candles of different heights on fresh or artificial leaves. Obviously, do not leave lit candles unattended.

2. Use miniature pumpkins as candle holders by carving out a circle on top the same diameter as 10" or 14" taper candles. Stick the candles in, decorate where the candle and pumpkin meet with raffia, tiny vines, berries, etc. Anytime you use fresh fruit or vegetables or berries, be sure to protect your linens and table from stain.

3. Use a raised cake platter on the table to hold fruit (real, artificial and frosted, etc.) Fill in spaces with leaves or berries or flowers. Wind a vine around the stem and the bottom.

4. At each place setting, you could set out tiny decorative metal lanterns with votives or tea lights inside. Be careful not to let the candle aroma compete with the aroma of food.

5. Visit this site for interesting ways to fold napkins.

6. Runners and placemats: Use patterns if your table centerpiece will be fairly simple, such as a few pumpkins or candles. If you will be featuring a lot of items in your centerpiece (leaves, nuts, pine cones, candles, mini-pumpkins), go solid.

7. Tone-on-tone is always elegant, especially in the white/ivory family. Have you noticed the popularity of white pumpkins this year? You could place a white pumpkin on a clear or white cake stand and set it off with a dark green vine, the only color on a table scape of white or ivory.

8. For a really casual, homespun look, place apples and pears of all colors and varieties in a wicker/grapevine bowl. Plug in leaves, berries, nuts in shells. I love buckeyes for their rich, warm color. Tradition has it that if you carry one in your pocket, it will relieve headaches and arthritis.

9. You know those little iridescent man-made rocks that go in the bases of clear jars and vases? You can use fresh cranberries the same way.

10. Chair shawls: Buy enough fabric to go around the backs of your chairs, keeping in mind you'll need extra length to tie a knot at the back and still have some fabric left over to drop down. When you tie the knot, keep the lengths of the draping fabric the same for a more formal look. Use artificial flowers or leaves in a small arrangement to place over the knot. If there is a stem bundle on your arrangement, tie with raffia or coordinating fabric around the stems and sashes, holding them together. You can also thread a flower on wire, pull it through your arrangement and knot, securing it on the other side. It's sort of like a button.

11. For a casually elegant table, you can purchase paint pens and write your guest's name on the goblet. For Christmas, I like to do snowflakes on glasses.

12. Cinnamon sticks-Tie onto the front of a folded napkin or place upright around several candles huddled together. Tie with a ribbon to hold it all together.

13. OK, this one is specifically for the Thanksgiving meal. At this site, you can read about a unique place setting detail involving wrapping 5 unpopped kernels of corn in a 4 x 4 piece of chiffon tied at the top. You would attach a card of explanation, the Legend of the 5 Kernels. The legend basically points out 5 things the Pilgrims were thankful for. You could use their ideas or create your own.

Better yet, you could ask each guest to hold up each of his kernels and tell something he's thankful for with each one. You know, you could vary this theme throughout the year, placing, for instance, five candy hearts in red chiffon and asking the family member to share with everyone five things they love about a person or the whole family or the pet, etc.