The Soundtrack of My Life?

The last time I blogged, I believe it was snowing. We're about there again, except we're in the middle of a record week for warm temps.

(Thanks for the weather update, Lid, now we resume blogging.)

I am trying to keep a family history blog since I joined Ancestrydotcom, so that takes up time that I could use here, instead, writing about ...  nothing, as I used to in the good old days. 

So I'm jumping back in with a meme which you answer with a song that fits the description. I'll do five today and then take it up again. Feel free to leave your own choices in the comments!

Day 1: "A song from childhood"  I'll go with: "Keep on Dancin'," by the Gentrys. I still love the percussion and the fake ending. Love these images from the 60s and 70s, too.

Day 2: "A song that reminds of your ex boy/girlfriend"
The last ex-boyfriend I had was 1981, so ...
the song from the vault would be "Blue Morning, Blue Day," by Foreigner. Here we are at our senior prom. Years later, I realized I was dating a Dave Coulier doppleganger. This boy has passed way, rest in peace.

Day 3: "A song that reminds you of your parents" "Let Your Love Flow" My mom dearly loved this song when it was popular, which made me kind of not like it, because when you're a teenager, it's wEiRd when your parents like what is popular. (No worries; I have been repaid. 3X.)

Day 4: "A song that calms you down" "Summer Breeze," by Seals and Crofts. Who needs pot when you've got this song.

Day 5: "A song that is often stuck in your head" This is a three-way tie. 1) "Sister Golden Hair"  2) "How Long" 3) "Sentimental Lady"



Yes, I have a thing for the 70s, but please share your choices, even if they're from the 21st Century!

The Sounds of My Life

There's that strange quiet when a blanket of snow insulates the world. It's hard to describe to people who live where this never happens, but when it snows like this, when you step outside, your hearing actually changes. Then there is the plaintive cawing of crows ... and the singing of a Crow. Yes, singing while shoveling. I love him. 

Fleetwood Mac "On With the Show" Louisville Concert

They are in their 60s and 70s, consummate performers who seem to love what they're doing--pretty remarkable, since they've been doing it for over 40 years. In fact, Fleetwood Mac could've named their current concert series, "Never Gonna Phone It In."

This iconic album cover, or in my case, 8 track tape cover, is tattooed on my brain. In 1978, when I was 16, Indiana sustained the mother of all blizzards. We were trapped in our houses for a couple of weeks, out of school for about 3 weeks. I've never seen anything like it since. I spent many hours in our tiny den, listening to Rumours over and over. And over. I loved that album and subsequent songs from Stevie Nicks' solo career.

FM reunited with Christine McVie and came to Indy on this tour, but we missed out on the tickets. So we purchased some for Louisville and went to the concert February 17.

Guess what? As if a nostalgic nod to my blizzard memories, a big snowstorm hit Louisville and nearly shut down the town. We were worried the concert might be canceled. We arrived the night before, and the town was a ghost town--restaurants closed, downtown streets had no traffic. It was eerie.

But, as they say, "On With the Show."

I don't know if I ever need to attend another concert by another entertainer. I can't think who else I'd like to see as much, certainly not more. Christine McVie sounded like magic. Lindsey Buckingham is a guitar wizard. Mick Fleetwood is ... crazy good. The other band members, the back up singers, the stage show--all amazing. Which is why I look giddy here. I don't have a "bucket list," but if I did, I could've been crossing off one hope-to-do-before-I-die item because of this concert. I mentioned they've been doing this for 40+ years, and I'm sure they're tired of the same old catalog of songs, but thankfully, they do not exhibit any signs of boredom on stage. They do not disappoint!

I just love Stevie Nicks. Still wearing velvet, boots, gossamer shawls, still twirling with open arms and bowing deep with one foot forward. Still the Gypsy, still the poet in our hearts. Still speaking for the 16 year old in me.

I can't post any snippets of the music, for some reason. So I'll just leave you with this pic we snapped right outside the arena as we walked to our hotel. Lovely night. Thank you for the memories, George.

Set List at Louisville

Pins and Needling

Today I wore a dress I have not worn since my father's funeral in July 2013. It's a very classic black jersey knit shirt dress-wrap-style, long skirt, 3/4 sleeves. I wear black tights and black boots under it. Very funeral appropriate, except the neckline is a tad too revealing without a pin.

I found a pin, but getting it situated without puckering and pulling the dress was arduous.

I flashed back to my teenage years when my mom would help me pin the necklines or straps out of the way. Even then with her help, it took a while to get it just right. We (or I should say "she") would work and work on it to make it the least noticeable as possible. It was a labor of Mom love.

I expect that I'll always remember little moments like that; at least I hope I do, and I hope my children have their own incidental memories for their middle years and beyond.

Mom is beyond helping me with anything now; I do all of the helping. Sometimes that makes me want to weep. Not because it's such hard work but because it's the necessity, the practical reality. And that's sad. I want her to be who she used to be.

Or do I?

You'll notice the second word of my title: needling. I meant that word to represent all of the times I struggled with my mom emotionally. She was pretty controlling and opinionated, determined to get her way, especially when it came to me and my appearance. My appearance was singularly important to her because her own was to her, and I was an extension of her.

When other mothers were trying to tone down their daughters, mine was trying to make me more attractive to the opposite sex.

It was weird.

First of all, it was like having a stage mom, but I was no starlet. Just average. I did not garner compliments every time I left the house like she always had growing up. To this day, she receives compliments when we're out, and she eats it up. I cringe. She had no career or anything besides her good looks and clean house on which to base her significance-very much a Mrs. Cleaver without the pearls. And so she passed her priorities on to me, only I resented them, most often. Occasionally it was ok with me because that meant I got new clothes, etc.

But I could not walk across the room without her telling me to straighten my shoulders. If I dropped something and picked it up, I had to bend my knees a certain way. If I carried a sweater or coat, it had to be draped across my arm, no bunching allowed. The rules were many, and she was like a giant eye, ever-watching.

One of the most irritating things she did was barge in on me in the bathroom. She had no idea we were two separate entities, no longer tied by the umbilical cord, even when I was older. If I locked the door, she tried to get in and ridiculed me for locking it. I wasn't doing anything sketchy, just PEEING, which I was not allowed to say, by the way.

This week I was in her bathroom, and in a split second, I had the most negative, ugly thought: "If she dares barge in here, I'm giving her what-for." It was like I was already angry, and she had not done a thing!

She cannot read her own mail now because she can't understand the difference between junk and legit mail. Plus she can't comprehend what she reads. So yesterday I came in with her mail, junk sorted. I was on my way to the trash when she stopped me: "What is that?"

"It's junk mail."
"Well, here, let me see it."
"OK."

Ten minutes later: "I guess this is all junk mail. I should've let you take it when you were on your way with it." And she tossed it on the floor beside her chair.

I was STEAMING. What's with the control??

And then I thought, "She's 89 and very weak. She does not have much control over anything in her life. Can you not let her pretend to read her stupid mail without getting upset?! GROW UP."

What is my problem? I've got issues. Being around her is causing me to face buried resentment alongside growing compassion.

So often I waffle between deep sadness, pity and compassion and then irritation when the more frustrating parts of who she was arise.

Is she a child or an adult? It fluctuates by the minute.

I am working on this internally and working on it externally by my responses.

Some mothers never noticed their daughters were around. Mine lived through me. Both methods breed contempt. But when she's needling, I'll try to remember the pins.  Because they are both a part of who she was and is, and she is my mother.

The One About "Mark Twain is My Cousin" Wait-What??

Please follow this link to my other blog to Dear Mark Twain: -- about finding out that I'm ... kin.

Thanks, Grandma and Grandpa. You Make Me Blush.

This is me:

"Rosacea has been referred to as the "curse of the Celts" due to its prevalence among those of Irish and English ancestry. In general, it affects mainly those with fair skin who tend to blush easily. People with Scandinavian backgrounds also report higher rates of rosacea than other ethnic groups."

Christmas is Officially Over this Year on 1.11.15. It's a Record. For Slowness.

I'm like most of you, I think. The decorations come down pretty quickly. But not this year. With the fire and the illnesses, it had to wait.

I thought the stale reminders would drive me crazy, but I was wrong. Today as I tucked away little mementos of this year, I was sad. And here's where I demonstrate the glass half-empty outlook I carry with me at all times.

My sweetheart was 23 months at Christmas. She was excited about everything, if not completely cognizant why. She loved "Jingle Bells" and would take off galloping around the family room and generally dance and walk on her toes whenever it would come on. And it wasn't enough to spring to animation by herself--whoever was near got pulled into the action like Courteney Cox in that Springsteen video. I've never galloped so much since 1967, kindergarten gym time.

I baked cookies with her mom and her. Here she is putting on sprinkles. Tilting your head helps you pick up those tiny candies with hands that are not used to the demands of fine motor skills.









She loved opening presents and had so many from me that I had to parcel them out during December so that she wasn't buried in them Christmas Eve. I don't want to set a precedent for this type of consumerism. I'm not sure what happened to me emotionally this year. I ended up putting several away for her upcoming birthday. I never knew the tension of restraint until I had a granddaughter and entered Toys R Us at Christmastime. Good grief, Charlie Brown.




And here is my mom, who turned 89 in December. She was so ill at our house on Christmas Eve that I could not get a picture of her where she doesn't look like she's channeling Mrs. Gummidge in David Copperfield. I'm happy to say she's feeling better now, but the reality is, she is declining, month by month, week by week. Her quality of life is not good right now. The one bright spot in her life is Josie, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that. So I'm not sure about next Christmas with Mom. It breaks my heart.

Wow, I certainly didn't mean to be so melancholy, but this is pretty much how it is right now, in my head and heart. At the beginning of December, I was super excited about life--challenging goals, fulfilling days spent caring for granddaughter and mom, good time with husband and kids, etc. It just came to a screeching halt around Christmas and New Year's Eve, of course (fire). It will get better. It has to.

After all, Celebrity Apprentice is back on, right?

Currently ... A Writing Prompt

1. Thinking: It doesn't bode well for my goal of writing more in 2015 if I have to use a prompt.

2. Enjoying: This will overlap with listening, but currently enjoying Styx "Come Sail Away." Good to hear on a Saturday with temps at 0* while you're cleaning house.

3. Feeling: Just a little blue, which is typical for me when I'm trapped on the frozen tundra. How many days until spring?

4. Wearing: Not a Pinterest creation, for sure. Gray yoga pants and black sweatshirt. Perhaps if I wore some color today, it might affect me for the positive? Nah.

5. Needing: Nothing. I need nothing, really, which is quite remarkable and humbling.

6. Wanting: Ah, now that's a different story. I want my eyes to clear up. I think I'm having a reaction to my sinus infection. I've posted about it here before. I want to get all of my Christmas decorations put away today. I've been ill and haven't tackled it.

What?? The Heck??

7. Listening: "Boogie Oogie Oogie," Taste of Honey, from a time in my life when all I had to worry about was homework, hair, and boys.

8. Making: I'm working on a gargantuan afghan I started last year. This is a dis-as-ter. My rows are off; I just can't seem to learn how to count. The colors slightly match my bedroom. I chose ocean colors because I was missing the ocean, and I thought when I wrapped up in it in winter, I'd be reminded of the beach. I think I was losing it. But now what do you do? Scrap the whole thing? This thing is huge. It covers my queen sized bed.

9. Eating: Nothing yet today. I did take my vitamins.

10: Drinking: So proud to say I've got my water bottle right here with me. Drinking more water is another goal for this year. Even if I drink one bottle per day, that's more than 0 ounces per day. I literally forget to drink. I don't even think of it during a meal or while eating food that screams for it. George will say, "How can you stand not to drink something with (whatever food)?" I don't know the answer to that. Even when I was little, my mother had to force me to take breaks from playing to go to the bathroom and to drink. It's an unfortunate gift that I have.

What are you currently up to?

Here's My Card!

Is this a new thing?

My family went out to eat in a big chain restaurant similar to Olive Garden or Applebees. The server was friendly, courteous and eager to offer suggestions about the menu. She was an uber-server.

At the end of the meal, the server asked, "Do you eat here often?" Only one said yes. The server then said, "Here's my card. Please ask for me when you return," and she handed this card to my daughter:

If you know my family, you will understand that once she was out of earshot, this was wildly funny to everyone at the table. 

Do you think management knows she's doing this? Is this a new thing? Is it OK? Why does my own reaction to this make me feel like the Dowager Countess of Grantham?

Sugar Cravings

I will try to string some sentences together.

I'm on day 5 of not eating sugar. I'm mainly avoiding obvious sources, but I've cut out sugary yogurt, too. No Starbucks (I indulge only during the Christmas season), no Peanut M&Ms (my main weakness), no nothing.

Ohmygoodness. Cravings. MAJOR cravings. In the middle of a head cold, too.

It hits me especially in the afternoons and lasts until bedtime.

I get the urge; I re-direct my thinking.

I change what I'm doing.

I eat something healthy, like an apple or grapes. NOT THE SAME.

This is the 5th day, and I actually feel grumpy mean tonight. I feel restless, edgy.

So I Googled, "When do sugar cravings stop?" knowing I'd land on articles and discussions by super humans who have actually succeeded at this. Don't you know, most articles had a great big picture of some kind of sweets on the header. GIANT cookies! WHAT?! I scrolled down like I was avoiding porn.

The consensus is: the first week is horrible. By two to two and half weeks, the cravings should subside a great deal.

I honestly don't know if I can last that long if the cravings don't subside a bit. I've given up coffee for Lent before. That's what that pic above is about. I don't remember it being this AnNoYiNg.

Has anyone out there tried this? Did you live to tell about it? If so, please throw me a lifeline. But not a candy LifeSaver.

Beginning Anew

It has been a rough week. My daughter and granddaughter had a violent flu. On New Years Eve, their outbuilding which housed their business burned to the ground. Then I got sick. It has been a mash up that calls to mind a Carol Burnett parody of a tragic 1940s movie: over the top drama, disasters rapidly occurring--but no laughs.

Tomorrow, we begin anew.

I'm hoping the substantial snow we are forecast will cover the debris of the outbuilding. I'm hoping it looks and feels like a comforting blanket.

I do wish for a bright white slate.

Here are the {gulp} goals I'm working on for 2015. I understand they're not as tight as they should be, but I'm mostly looking for improvement, unless I mention a measurable value.

• I've purchased a journal in which I'll write as I read my devotional each day: Jesus Calling. I still maintain that is a horrible title which brings to mind "Ding Dong, Avon calling!" or old timey cold-call evangelists. I've read about the controversy regarding the author using first-person perspective when speaking as The Lord of the Universe, but I find nothing that doesn't spring completely from scripture. It just doesn't cause me concern. And since most days' writings are devoted to saying, "Simmer down, Martha!" it's just what I need.

• I'm drinking at least 24oz of water daily, which is an improvement over 0 ounces.

• I'm running at least 750 miles this year.

• I'm working on a book list I found on Pointiest. Currently I'm reading/listening to David Copperfield.

• I'm staying on my supplements and gluten free diet because my eczema and psoriasis are way better than last year at this time. I highly recommend.

• I'll keep scanning old photos and working on ancestry. Soon I'll receive the results of my DNA test.

• I'll to keep writing on my blogs. One blog is about running in the context of being a grandma; one is about family history, and then there's my first-born, this blog, which I started in 2006.

• Less sugar, as in no sugar this month, at least. The most difficult! Since January 1, that has been my biggest personal challenge. I think about it all the time and am grumpy. In order to stay strong, I keep reading articles about how bad sugar is for us, which diseases and conditions sugar is associated with, etc. The addict in me is screaming, "Who CARES?! I'm sick of apples!"

Well, when I'm sane, I care. I'm at least trying this craziness during January.

So there it is, the back pack I'm picking up and throwing over my shoulders as I tromp through this winter. It's a little heavy, but it's not impossible because they're all things I want for myself, ultimately--better physical, spiritual and mental health.

Cutting Bangs

It doesn't seem to matter, in my experience, how old you are or how many times you've done it. If you are emotional, having a bad day or week, you should not cut your own bangs. 

By the way, this pic of a Silkie chicken like I used to have in my back yard? It is the one Pinterest item that people have re-pinned more than any of mine.  Apparently, we should make this our national bird.

Blogger or WordPress?

Blogger or WordPress?

It's ridiculous. I'm toggling back and forth, and I'm already worn out. I don't want to delete this blog because I have so much history here (pointless history, but mine own).

I hopped onto WordPress because people seemed to be heading that way, but I have some frustrations with it. The year is early--what do I do? Give it more time before I switch the new blogs to Blogger?

I feel so out of the blogging world now. Does anyone have any opinions regarding Blogger vs. WordPress?

Because Everybody Needs a Fresh Cup Once in a While

I'm starting two new blogs:

One is: Saving Our Story, wherein I preserve tidbits of family history and even tiddier-bits of everyday life for progeny

See Grandma Run!, in which I discuss running in the context of Grandma-ness.

Hope to see you there!

Hyperopia, Middle Age, Roots, Reese and Seafoam Green

I don't really *need* these glasses, unless I'm driving or watching TV. I have great up-close vision for a soon to be 52-year-old, no having to extend my arms as I read, etc. But if I correct my vision for distance with contacts, it throws off up-close business. VERY frustrating. I tried bifocal contact lenses, but I don't think I wore them enough at one time to trick my brain into accepting them, so I have these cheapies for distance only. Therefore, while other middle agers are toting reader-cheaters on neck chains, I'm often wearing driving glasses on my head like sunglasses.

I may have cheated middle age out of hyperopia, but I was not successful at dodging gray hair. One advantage to keeping hair light blonde is that the grays are camouflaged somewhat. But I still have dark roots, too. Right now, I'm in an 8 week wait period for doing my roots. I can barely take it because I usually jump on those roots right away. I was telling my friends about my hair color hiatus, and they said, "No worries, dark roots are 'in.'" They are?

So I was Googling some celebs to show my friends what my roots look like, and I saved these pics of Reese Witherspoon on my phone in order to send my friends the pics.

A few days later, JRoo was looking at my phone pics. We always play the game, "Who is that?" and she answers. (She's 19 months now.) Imagine my surprise when Reese popped up in the middle of our family photos. I had forgotten I saved her.

 On a whim, I asked, "Who is that?" and she replied, "Nana!" before I could finish asking.

Why, THANK YOU, dearest  little granddaughter. I will take that--Reese Witherspoon!

I guess all blondes look alike, ha ha.

On the subject of color, I'm really liking a shade of green I know as "seafoam," which is not mint green, but you can't tell the difference between the two on Pinterest; people seem to think they're interchangeable. It's not turquoise or teal, either; it's not mint or jade. It's like sea glass to me. Or Coke glass (what?):

I like this green with coral and intend to re-paint walls of a bedroom to turn it into an exercise room for this winter. How's that for thinking ahead?  

What colors are you into now, hair or decor?

Every Summer Has a Story. Here's my 2014 Summer Story.

I found this pic and thought it would make a great title for a post. For me, summer ends August 31, today. So here is a review of my summer, my story.  

6.6 "Having a toddler around again brings back one painful memory: when they step on the inside of your thigh and it pinches so badly you can't breathe. It's the sliding shoe-pinch that turns the adult into a wailing baby." Still watching her 3 days a week  and loving it. 

6.6 I made a Pinterest pallet table. I have not used this table ONCE this summer. :(

6.13 My high school closed. Always a Rebel, Muncie Southside, 1962-2014 (with favorite teacher and friend + sophomore year cheer). More fodder for my nostalgic mid-life crisis. 

                                                                                                                                                     

6.14 29th Wedding Anniversary. You know you'll make it when one day you wallpaper a room together. If you can withstand that, you'll make it. Nevertheless, I will never push my luck with wallpapering again. I'm not that crazy.

7.4.14 Siesta Key: "So far on this vacation, I have broken the shower head simply by adjusting it, broken off the entire back section of a movie theater seat by putting my hands on it to stand up (leaving me holding a plastic piece the size of a child's sled), developed a photo sensitivity to certain sunscreens and figured out I'm lactose intolerant. In spite of these and other misadventures, I'm having fun and looking to fireworks on the beach. Hoping there are no related incidents to report. #stillmarried in spite of this series of unfortunate events."

7.11 Marked the year anniversary of my father's passing. In case any of my progeny are ever interested in seeing his marker, this is what it looks like. 

7.13 Another "Daughter of Girls Group" Wedding

7.14 Grandma allowed an epic catastrophe. He was immediately seat-belted.

7.26 Cirque Du Soleil in Indianapolis with this couple and my son's in-laws, whom we love. My son and DIL will be married one year in Oct.

7.27: Still hanging with my mom: "Just came from my mom's house, where the indoor temp rivals Uma, AZ, because she's on meds that make her cold. So I'm trying not to be rude while I'm melting, swigging water, clawing at the empty ice tray and nodding while she talks. #thisgirlisonfire" Throwing in this picture because in it she is 51, my age now. She is currently 88 and looks about 72.

7.28: Bought cast iron skillet: "Bought a cast iron skillet for first time today. Its heft sheds new light on those old cartoons in which the wife clonks the husband on the head with a skillet."

8.1 Made some Fairy Doors from Popsicle sticks and items in my yard to put in Josie's woodland space under our pine tree. I have added benches, a large stump and wooden picnic table for her. I cleared out packed needles, weeds, hauled 99% of the rocks myself, which she will never care about, but I had to add that. Also got poison oak working on that tree. Took many hours. She sits there maybe 15 mins a day. Worth it. 

8.2: Around the first of August, I have to say I hit a small snag of depression that lasted about 3 weeks. The attacks of innocents and babies in Iraq just about did me in emotionally, and then everything else spiraled and crumbled.

8.10: "REO & Chicago. Hi, Kev!" This concert was a highlight of summer for me. The nostalgic mid-life crisis is still going strong. 

8 ~ ? Continuing to enjoy what days we have left in the most exclusive pool.

8.26 Still running. Still eating gluten free and meat free. 

8.29 "We went to the library & just happened upon story time. Stories, bubbles and singing "Skinnamarink" at the end, which is a special song for me bc of her mom loving this song at her age. I felt so much joy, like my heart would pop."

8.31  Well, here we are, saying farewell to summer, my favorite season, the season of eternal youth and bloom, the season of picnics, fireworks, swinging with my granddaughter, sprinklers, backyard fires, great sunsets, vacations, chilly movie theaters, sunshine,watermelon and the smell of sun screen, preferably Hawaiian Tropic, which I could wear as perfume or drink because I love coconut so much. Everyone loves Fall, and I'm embracing it, but it usually only lasts around here about 3-4 weeks, and then we're into 6 months of winter--not even joking. *Maybe this year will be different.*  

Hey, Summer: Bye!